i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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