I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
