I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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