one might say we're banned from that church
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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