So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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