i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
