you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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