Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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