Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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