i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You don't make any sense
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