I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
