You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
