Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
zippers are such a cool invention
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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