Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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