May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize