I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
