just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
