i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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