I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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