Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
