Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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