i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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