Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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