Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
