party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
