He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
