if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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