I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
