it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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