Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I want a musical about memes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
