I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
