I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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