got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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