god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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