So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
