I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
