So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
