Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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