I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
