There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
