He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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