I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
