zippers are such a cool invention
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
