Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
