Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
