just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cannot find my penis.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
