Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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