I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
