Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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