Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
