the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize