I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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