Who wears a wallet chain?!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
