i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
