if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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