I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
