I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
